HORNYMEGANFOX

Yes, it’s true America. I am the “Brian” on Megan Fox’s vagina bone. Indeed, I sleep with her on occasion when I visit Los Angeles, California every winter. You see, I’m a super lyricist, conceptualist, crack head blogger, etc and last August, I met her for the first time. Instant attraction. (I’d have to say for us both.) We (my manager Zak and I) were walking into Villa (home of the dopest DJ, ever.. DJ EDSKI) when we stumbled across Megan and Brian Austin Green. That’s when the fun started.

I purposely slapped Megan (Foxxy Megan’s what i call her) on her ass and she made a giggle sound which told me she liked it. I think she may have thought was Brian Boston Bean (Austin Green), nonetheless, I smacked her ass. Zak gave me a high five and we kept it movin’…. We slid to the DJ stand and dapped up Edski (like good homies do), turned around and our girls Paris and Nikki Hilton were waiting for us. After Zak tongue kissed Paris and I slid my hand from up Nikki’s skirt, we felt it best to bounce to the bar. Become a “Certified Finger Banger, TODAY.)

My favorite drink in the WORLD is Grey Goose and Cranberry Juice. No, Grey Goose and Orange Juice. Is it Belvedere, Cranberry and a spalsh of O.J.? Damn, I do DO DRUGZ. Anyways, Zak and I took two quick shots of patron, a Jaeger bomb and a glass of Honky Love (Jim Beam) with a dab of Coke on the rocks. Basically, we were (as the white people say) FUUUUUUCKED UP! You can really hear a gang of white people saying that, can’t you… Okay, Okay, Moving On!

I noticed Megan was sitting in the V.I.P area with three white girls (obviously from some neck of the woods in Providence, Rhode Island or some shit), two black dudes (who both looked like the tralier trash brother of the Ying Yang Twins) and two white dudes well, who look like two white dudes. NO Brian Boston Bean. I repeat NO Brian Boston Bean.. (for you idiots, again that’s Brian Austin Green.) My penis immediately sprouted (maybe because Nikki Hilton had run downstairs, found me and was groping my balls) but I knew my ONLY chance to talk to Megan was RIGHT NOW. I calmly removed Nikki’s hand from my ball sac and walked toward the V.I.P tape. Of course, the bouncer wasn’t going to let me just walk by so I had to think fast.

“Slip him a 50 dollar bill. No dummy, slip a roofie in the drink and hand it to him. No, tell him you manage the Ying Yang Twins Cover Band and they’re waiting for you right there. Tell him your Megan’s driver for the night and you wanna….”

TIMEZ UP. I FUCKIN FROZE. WHEN I SAY FROZE, I MEAN, stiff cock, eyes buggin the fuck out of my head cuz I’m three feet from Megan Fox’s Box, FROZE! I probably could’ve pissed down my leg and not noticed it, FROZE.. FIGADEEL ME? I FROZE.. Didn’t say a word, Brian Boston Bean came back and I looked like a fuckin idiot. So that night, I didn’t bang Megan Fox. Instead, I got drunk, danced my ass off to DJ EDSKI and DJIVY sets, puked in the bathroom, took Nikki Hilton to the B.YONEST INVAZION truck and Zak and I banged the Hilton Sisters until 5am.

I REALLY did bang Megan Fox though. Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you about it…

B.YONEST..